Spiders in the Night...

Biker Dude's girlfriend looked at him like he had just said he just saw a UFO.

"You're crazy."

"No. Really, I can hear spiders."

"That's it. I'm dating a lunatic," she said. "What... you're telling me spiders can talk?"

"Yeah.. I mean, no... that's not what I mean. Last night, I woke up around two o'clock and I heard this noise."

"I don't think I want to hear this."

"What, it's not a big thing. It's just that I heard a little scritchy sound coming from the far corner of the room. And every maybe twenty seconds I'd hear it again, except closer. Like a mouse was crawling along the baseboard."

"And this is when the spider talked?"

"No. Will you just wait?"

His girlfriend shook her head. "You're nuts."

"Fine, I'm nuts, just listen."

She took a deep breath and looked up at the time. "Fine, you have one minute."

"Fine. Anyway, the sound got closer and closer until it sounded like it was coming from the corner right by the bed. So I sat up real slow and clicked on the light. But there was no mouse."

"Yay! No mouse, just a spider who said, 'hi, can I use your bathroom?'"

"Ha Ha.. you're a regular comedian. Listen, so I got up and looked behind the trash can, and there's this spider sitting there. A big one."

"Why do you tell me this? I don't want to know these things."

"It's all right, I killed it."

"I don't care if you nuked it. Spiders are... Eeeeeew."

"But the thing is, it HAD to be the spider that was making the noise along the baseboard. Which means.... I can hear spiders."

"Well, yay for you. Maybe you could join the circus."

"No. This is a good thing. Imagine, you'll never have to see another spider again. If I hear them, I can track them down and get rid of them before they scare you."

"IF you get rid of them."

He kept going as if she hadn't said anything. "You know, I think this is a huge plus on my 'marriageability' resume.

She stifled a laugh and looked at him over her glasses. "There's three things I have to say about that. One, Nice try, two,I think you're a lunatic, and three, there is no such thing."

He looked puzzled. "No such thing as what?"

She put a skillet on the stove and poured some olive oil into it. "Huh?"

"What is there no such thing as?"

She hummed to herself and lit the burner.

"Hello?"

She picked a carrot up of the counter top and started peeling it. She looked over at him, "Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking?"

"Yeah, didn't you hear what I just said?"

"I heard."

"And...?"

"A marriageability resume. HA! That's even crazier than hearing spiders."